Monday, January 7, 2013

Not Sleeping

So tonight I cannot sleep.  My mind will not turn off even though I took my pills. 

Mama died Dec.16, 2012.  She was the first person I knew on this earth.  She often told me that I looked like an old dishpan when I was born. (I guess I was very wrinkled.)  And in that day, the mothers stayed in bed for a period of time.  She told me that Mrs. Roxie McLawhorn gave me my first bath. My mama was only a child, herself, at the time.  She was 16 and my father was 19 when they married.  They had been married for a year and a few days before I was born.  We lived in the home with my grandparents. Fifteen months later, my dear sister Carol was born.  She and I continued to live with mama and our grandparents while my daddy was sent to fight in the second World War. Later my sister, June, my brother, Billy, my brother ,Bennie, my sister, Peggy, and my brother Steve joined our family.

I remember my sister, June, saying on the day mama died, that we didn't know it yet, but we had lost our best friend. The only hope we have of seeing mama again will be when the LORD comes to takes us all home.  Tonight, I am truly missing my mama. She did the best she knew how raising her children.  We were spanked and taught right from wrong. None of us got into big trouble and have become parents to our own children and grandchildren and a couple of us have great grandchildren. Most of us are church goers and are trying to raise our children as close to GOD as we can.

None of our parents were perfect, but I must say that my mom and dad did well by us.  I'm sad tonight, but, as she told us during that last week in the hospital, she had had a long life and if it was her time... it was her time. I'm sure we will be a long time getting past this hurt.  I would definitely wish that people would be praying for us as we suffer this grief. GOD IS GOOD and he will get us through this time.  We are starting the process of moving on.

This little great great grandchild of hers, she never met in person. This is a picture of me holding him at our get together before Christmas.

10 comments:

Ms. A said...

Ann, I'm so sorry for your loss. After almost 16 years, I still feel the loss of my Mom. I don't know that the feeling of loss ever goes away completely, but the pain does ease with time.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Debbie J said...

Ms. Ann, my husband says that when we lose our Mama, there is nobody else who loves us more than our Mama. I miss mine too....

Love that picture of you and the baby.

Granny Annie said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You will never get over the death of your mother, but it will get a little easier over time. I miss my mama every day. God bless you and yours.

Mari said...

I miss my mom too and it's been nearly 10 years. It does get easier though and the memories are good.
Praying for you.

The Working Home Keeper said...

So sorry for your loss.

Mary Ellen
The Working Home Keeper

Pen Pen said...

I love you! And I wondered how you were doing since your life has slowed down from all the dr. visits? I know you will miss her dearly. About not sleeping, I hadn't slept in 'days' in seemed... I was so miserable, blaming mine on menopause. I took an extra pill last night and slept like a baby. I might make it after all. I love you!!

Pat said...

I'm so sorry, but it seems like grief keeps our minds churning. I know I did the same thing. I had to go to the Dr. for help. I couldn't stop crying either. Time does lessen the pain. It's good your expressing yourself and sharing. I will keep you in prayer.
The picture of you and the baby is just beautiful.

Donna Peters said...

Ann, you will be in my prayers tonight. i will pray that you smile every time you think of her instead of feeling so sad. She is at peace, and she wasn't afraid to go. She had all of you to keep her company all her life, and she was so lucky to have this wonderful love of such a huge family. That being said, I think you need to grieve her. Don't be afraid to cry about your Mama. It will help. As a mama yourself, sometimes you try to be too strong in front of everyone. I found, my best time to cry was in the car. There was no one to try and stop me from crying. I told my hubby.. "when I come home and my eyes are all red, don't ask. I need to be able to cry when I want to". It really helped.
You are beautiful Ann. I love your picture. You will be in my prayers.

imac said...

You will never forget, but you learn to live with the hurt, so it does get better in a way.

Also your loved ones always live in your heart .

Sandy said...

SIL...hope you are sleeping better ...wish we would see everyone more..love ya